Have any secret confessions to make? As a new Mama I couldn’t believe some of the stuff that would go through my head! Some good, some bad, some really dark, and some flat hilarious. Here are some of my favorites from myself and fellow Tired Troopers. Enjoy.
If you have any short stories or quick one liner confessions, please pop over to my Dear Tired Mama, Contact & Submissions page and share! Or scroll to the bottom of this page to submit. For your bravery you’ll be added to the list below, granted complete anonymity (if requested) and instead referenced with a customized nickname. Let’s share in some agony, craziness, and LAUGHS!
“I like the smell of her burps!”
Boujie Mama
“I love them so much I swear I could kiss their little buttholes!”
Tired Mama
“I held her up above my head and she drooled into my mouth and I didn’t care.”
The Godmother, The LEGEND
“Oh God, it’s in my beard!”
Tired Papa
“The first poopy blowout my baby ever had was so bad that I had to strip her down and wash her off. Problem was I was a brand new Mama, by myself, she was only 3 months old AND I had to be as fast as possible because her twin brother was also awake… So i wasn’t sure what the best way to accompliah this was… well I went into the bathroom and decided to sit on the side of the tub, put her on my lap still wearing my yoga pants (cause I was certain without my pants I would have dropped her – I needed them for traction). I got soaked, but she was clean and safe! This worked so well that 2 weeks later when she had another blow out, I just jumped into the bathtub with my yoga pants on and got to work.”
Tired Mama
“That was raunchy! This poop was so greasy I almost went to the shop for mega cleaners to remove it from his little butt, I ended up using half the box of wipes instead.”
Tired Papa
“I love when my babies smell like mushrooms.”
Tired Mama
“There’s dog poop and human poop on my front porch right now.”
Tulip Mama
“It was small, but mighty. The smell… it has permeated every inch of my life. I fear that when they finally bury my bones in the cold, dark, ground I will still have that smell in my nostrils.”
Tired Papa
“What a drama queen.” ~ Tired Mama
“Huge blowout, up past his shoulder blades. Poor dude must have been making that one for a month.”
Tired Papa
“I swear my baby break dances in her sleep.”
A Hip Mama
“This just happened again for the third time… I can’t pinpoint what’s going on. I wet the bed… AGAIN! This time I was on the couch and unfortunately this was the most I had ever gone before it waking me up. It was 2 am! I was dreaming so hard I didn’t wake up. My pants were wet, all of it. I went to bed, I woke up the next morning, got up and let my dog out and looked at the couch and had forgotten what happened. It came screaming back to me… ugh how embarrassing! I just can’t keep it in! I’m too young for Depends, RIGHT?!?!?”
Tinkle Mama
“He pooped again. Check what I put in our baby tracker app, I basically write poetry at this point.”
Tired Papa AKA The Poop Poet
“My wife was in labor with our first child. The doc kept telling me to come down here and take a look cause stuff was happening. I went down there and some amniotic fluid came shooting out, I was smiling at the time so it went directly into my mouth! I immediately vomited EVERYWHERE!”
Grossed Out Papa
“I think I’m gonna start my period, cause even tho he saved me tonight by calming my crazy kids I think I might punch that purple dinosaur in the face.”
On Her Last Nerve Mama
“Ever since our second was born my wife’s light has turned red… and not the red light district red either…”
Patiently Waiting Randy Papa
“I can’t remember the last time I washed my hair.”
The GODMOTHER, The LEGEND
“I can’t either! Thank God for hats!!!” ~ Tired Mama
“I’m in love with the main character in the current book I’m reading… Where can I find a real life one?!”
Holding Out Mama
“I was giving my daughter some liquid meds and she was either drooling or letting the meds run out of her mouth… well because I couldn’t tell… I tasted my daughter’s spit to make sure she was eating her meds…”
Tired Papa
“Bahahahahaha I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! Whatever it takes honey!” 💪😍
~ Tired Mama
Tired Mama here, I need to preface this next Tired Trooper Confession… My husband is a Marine who served in the Iraq war. Well, fast forward and Hubby and I are now brand new parents and we finally got to bring the twins home from the NICU!!! Well, about a month after we had them home, hubby goes, “Dude, I got more sleep in the battle of Fallujah than I have as a new Dad, this s*** is Fing ROUGH!” And I’ve never loved him more! In the trenches together 🩵🩷 fighting the good fight, as we all are! Tired Trooper Tribe FOR LIFE!
Tired Mama
I Almost had a fart accident at work today… I have very little sphincter control anymore because I have external hemorrhoids. Well my stomach was feeling gurly and very gassy this morning while I was sitting at the nurses station when it decides to get completely silent out of nowhere, (why did it get so silent?!) and that’s when my stomach decides to try and squeak out some gas…!!! I just immediately clenched as best I could and kept saying, “Oh please God, no. Please God, no.”, in my head. Luckily, I was able to hold it in and make it to the bathroom to try and get the gas out. But I had this problem off and on all day until I was finally able to poop… And that wasn’t until the afternoon. 🙄
A Very Brave, Honest, Bad Ass Nurse Mama!
“I lost my mouth guard, it fell out of my mouth when I was sleeping. I only had it 3 days!!!”
The Godmother, The LEGEND
I shot my husband with my boob, sprayed him right in the face. 3rd time I had gotten up that night with our baby and he was sleeping away, if I had an actual weapon I swear I would have used it! I had my tatas tho!!!
Resourceful MAD Mama
“We are the BEST for eachother… but we aren’t very good influences…”
The Godmother, The LEGEND to Tired Mama (then we both burst into laughter!!!) “CHEERS!”
“Our boy has hit a big sleep regression, so he will wake up at least once a night screaming until you pick him up. He goes back to sleep in your arms almost immediately, but you have to wait until he is super asleep to get him back into his crib… well, it’s 11pm and I’m standing trying to rock him to deep sleep, when I step in something cold and wet… oh, yay, old dog vomit, greaaaaaaaaaat.”
Tired Mama
“This girl! Why did her poop smell like burning rubber?!”
Tired Papa
“I rolled over in bed to come face to face with an open dirty diaper on my nightstand…! It was only pee, thank God, but still! It was right there all night right next to my fan, so blowing on me the entire time… has that ever happened to anyone else?! Orrrrrrrr has anyone crawled into bed and discovered a dirty diaper??? Cause yep, also happened to me!”
Tired Mama
“Like burning plastic with a sulfuric after taste that burns and lingers on the pallet.”
Tired Papa AKA The Poop Poet
“Hot flashes, anyone..? One time my sweat rolled down the small of my back in bed, which woke me up and I flipped out because I thought it was a huge spider! Ugh!”
Tired Mama
“Man I wish you could turn off your period… Like, OKAY, I’m done having kids… Thanks!”
Tired Mama
So, my son was standing actively trying to poop facing away, and my mom goes, “Oh my gosh, I just saw his diaper move!!!
G’ma
