My hubby and I were both raised being treated as little humans, not babies (as in we weren’t babied). Which is exactly how we want to raise our children. It seems to be more and more common these days. Back when, parents and children had a very distinct line drawn between them. Almost as if the parents had their lives and the children had their lives. There wasn’t much overlap between the two. At least not like today’s standards.
Now we engage our kids and talk to them like little people. We understand kids are pure potential not just dumb little lumps we have to keep alive. We know that kids are much, much smarter than we could ever realize. And parents seem to have jumped on board with nurturing their kids learning potential with a hands on approach.
Shoot, nowadays there are like 50,000 different “parenting styles” which is nuts when you think about how different it was even 50 years ago! Everyone is out here doing their best, and I’m not going to put one parenting style over another cause it depends on the parent and the child, their relationship, how they communicate, learn, grow, shoot it even comes down to what the specific situation calls for sometimes!
But the most important aspect to treating them like little humans and having them rise to the expectation is trust. Trust is hands down the most important foundation you can lay for your child. Without trust there can’t be any respect. Trust and respect go hand in hand and it is a 2 way street. You gaining your child’s trust and respect will in turn teach your child how to earn your trust and respect.
Once that solid foundation of trust and respect is established and maintained the sky is the limit! Their potential is infinite and as long as you are always there maintaining that foundation whilst learning and evolving with them your child and your relationship with your child will be the absolute best you can make it!
It can’t ever start too early either! My babies were in the womb when I started and I continued when they came out! Yes, we still treat them like babies, hello?! They’re infants! But alongside the “baby talk” we truly talk to them. Having twins and only 2 hands, sometimes I have to put one kid down cause the other is crying. So I literally say, “Ok, your sister needs me, I’m going to put you down for just a little bit, you’ll be ok.” Or if I just can’t get to the kid who is fussing, I’ll literally say, “Hey, it’s ok, just hold on baby I’ll be right back.” I don’t know if it’s keeping my cool (which is super hard to do when you have fussing kids) or if it’s how I say it, or what I say, or that I’m following through therefore gaining my babies trust or a combo of everything, but I swear it is already working!!! I’m gaining my babies trust by treating them like little humans and they are rising to the expectation! It’s an amazing thing to witness and be a part of! 🥰
Have any of you seen the show, Life in Pieces?! If you haven’t I HIGHLY recommend! And if you or someone you know is gearing up for the big V-Day please just watch the vasectomy episode! It’s hilarious!!! The song they sing?! I lost it!!!! Oh or the show, Modern Family?!!!!! Also HIGHLY recommend! And again, if nothing else, watch the vasectomy episode… that’s where I got the blog title from! So, so, funny!
Anyways… Hubby and I always had the plan that he would get a vasectomy when we were done having kids. When we got asked at one of my pregnancy appointments if we were going to have more kids and what form of birth control I was going to use post pregnancy the doctor and nurses praised him when we told them he was getting the big V. They actually seemed shocked, which I thought was weird, but hey go ahead and give it up for my man!
The doctor who we got to do the procedure wasn’t who we originally made the appointment with, but there was a cancelation and an earlier appointment was available with a different doctor. They were 2 months out in scheduling, so we jumped on the opportunity to move the appointment up. The new doctor was Dr.Cox. I have to admit I love the fact that a doctor with the name Cox did my Hubby’s vasectomy! Not only am I a huge fan of the show Scrubs, not only is my favorite character on the show, Dr.Cox, but a real life doctor named Cox who went into urology and is going to complete my Hubby’s procedure?! So freaking awesome! Ok, nerdy, immature, hilarious, ironic, moment over…
At the pre-op appointment Dr.Cox asked him if he was a wrestler or a Marine (weird, right?) So Hubby answered, um yeah both…? Doc goes ok well this will be interesting cause in my experience wrestlers do the best with the recovery pain and Marines do the worst. Then goes i think it’s because wrestlers get used to pain and being uncomfortable. Hubby didn’t say this to doc, but he told me, um yeah doc I served 10 years and it was way more painful and uncomfortable than wrestling ever was lol now my balls never hurt, but my back, knees, shoulders, arms, legs, everything else did!
My hubby is the type of guy who flat out on his own fully admits that women are stronger when it comes to pain, sickness, or any form of discomfort. He isn’t a weenie by any means, I mean, c’mon he’s a freaking MARINE! But he absolutely admits that “the man flu” is real and that he turns into a complete baby when he is sick. Well, I had a c-section, which was the closest thing I had to compare his big V to. I know it so isn’t the same, but that’s all I had. So I tried to use my experience to help him through this anyway i could.
I drove him to his big V-Day appointment and asked if he was nervous. “No, not really. I mean, I’m not looking forward to it, I’ve spent my entire life keeping harm away from that area and now I’m going to try to willingly let them jab a needle down there soooooooooo yeah… but no, I’m ok.” “Oh well good! Just try not to think about what’s going on, because if you concentrate on the needle poke the anticipation and concentration will make it hurt much worse – i mean, if you can, just try not to…” He literally goes, “You know, I’ve never understood how women can do that, men can’t do that, I’m for sure only going to be thinking about the giant needle approaching my nads.” Welp, shoot, I tried!
We got there and sat in the waiting room. My hubby started bouncing his knees, which he never does. I leaned over and put my hand on his knee, “You nervous now?” And smiled. He laughed and said, “Yep!” I said, “Ok what really helped me leading up to my c-section was telling myself thousands of women go through this every day, so I can do this too. This is a normal, everyday procedure, you’ve got this.” They called him back and I shot up 3 quick prayers for him.
Well in preparation we looked up the procedure and found out it usually takes a half hour, so really it’s an in-and-out procedure (pun intended!) I’m sitting there watching the TV, playing on my phone, and I notice that 45 mins have gone by… ok, well, maybe they’re having him sit back there in recovery? Or maybe they went over stuff beforehand and started later? 10 more mins go by and i hear my husband’s voice… i literally sat up on the edge of the seat staring at the door. He comes waddling out totally walking bow legged, but smiled at me. Ok, here we go!
We walked to the truck and he goes, “Ok, so the doctor said what happened to me happens to about 1 in 10 men who get this done.” Okayyyyyy…? “Well, apparently i have an iron clad vas deferens…” “Okayyyy… Is that why it took so long?” He laughed and got in the truck, “Yep!” “Ok, so what does that mean?!” Well, he was working on my left ball and goes, oh you have an iron clad vas deferens, so i said what does THAT mean? He goes, oh it just means you’ve got more stuff down here. Um, what? Well, it just means your vas deferens is really thick. Um, ok… the doc goes, “it’s ok, i have a trick for these… I’m just going to need my assistant to come help with the right one.” So his assistant comes back and sure as s*** they did the right one a lot faster, but wth?! We laughed and laughed! Like who would ever know that was even a thing?! Crazy, right?!
Well I said, “ok, what do you need? Will anything make you feel better? Want a smoothie or anything or do you just want to go straight home?” He smiled and asked if we could go get ice cream. “Abso-freaking-lutely! There’s a Dairy Queen right up the road.” We pulled in, but had to wait 20 mins for them to open at 10am. It was so sweet, he went over the whole procedure, what happened, that they gave him a jock strap and 2 adorable little circular reusable ice packs… we laughed and laughed! My hubby is a very stoic guy, he doesn’t really get intimate or goofy with anyone but me, so when he does it just makes my heart flutter!
We got home and ate our ice creams and gave G’ma the rundown because she was babysitting for us. Then I set hubby up in bed to hopefully “relax”. My Mom (G’ma) had previously sent me a Pinterest find called a “Snip, Snip, Hooray! Basket”. Then she kept reminding me to buy the stuff to put together for him on his big day. (She’s the freaking BEST!) I had her film as I gave it to him, he loved it! But of course at the end when she went to stop recording she goes, “oh crap, I didn’t hit record!” Welp shoot of course that happened!
A “Snip, Snip, Hooray! Basket” is full of goodies that you print words over that utilize some words on the original packaging to make a vasectomy theme! If you’re interested, below are pictures of the basket goodies and word play that I used. I highly recommend! It’s a fun way to make light of your man’s scrotum sacrifice! Hey, laughter IS the best medicine after all!
I have to include this tid bit… looking to the future, I’m 80/20… 80% of me is going WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO no more worrying about any “oopsies” we get to get down worry free now!!!!!! Where the other 20% is going… um what if it reverses itself?!?!?!?!?!?! I’ve personally known 2 men who’s vas deferens have HEALED THEMSELVES!!!!!!!! How did they find out? Oh, they just impregnated their wives randomly! What?! Oh yes, yes, it CAN happen!
The first man was a friend of my parents. They had a son and then decided they were done, so he went ahead and did the big V. 14 years later his wife is pregnant! He actually thought that his wife cheated cause hello?! How could it be HIM?! Well they tested his sperm and oh wow, yep, look what happened! The other guy had 3 kids with his wife when they decided on the big V. 10 years later, woops, she’s preggo! How crazy is THAT?! So, as happy as I am that we made this decision and how nice it should be moving forward… I just know that these 2 instances are bound to randomly pop into my head at some point… hopefully not killing my libido in the process!
And the chances of us having another set of twins is super SUPER high. Right now I just couldn’t imagine having 2 sets of twins! Hopefully (because we waited so long to have kids) we will be too old to realistically conceive in 10+ years! Plus with his “iron clad” vas deferens, maybe it isn’t even possible to heal itself??? 🤞🤞🤞 Now, if it happens, we will roll with it. C’mon if God wants us to have more kids that bad there must be a reason, but right now that’s why I’m feeling 80/20!
And even with the 20% fear factor, I do have comfort in knowing that if we do ever change our minds that vasectomies are reversable… not that hubby or I would be super thrilled about going through this again! But stillllllll… we do like the option… juuuuuuust in case…
So, here’s to trying our best to make the “right” decision for us and our family (right now)… stay tuned…
Here’s all that went into his Snip, Snip, Horray! Basket…
Quick disclaimer here –
The Godmother, The LEGEND, told me about a coworker of hers, whose husband had a vasectomy and ended up itching it in his sleep. You know how bad certain things itch when they’re healing AND if you’ve been around any man for more than 5 mins you know they ALL scratch their balls at some point during the day… so I’m actually shocked this isn’t more of a widely known issue… but he scratched his balls and gave himself a micro cut and the germs under his fingernails (we all have them) were transferred into the wound. A few days later he was in the hospital. He ended up going septic and spent a week in the hospital!!! Now for those of you (like me) who haven’t ever heard of going septic it’s a life threatening illness! Now, this is WORST CASE SCENARIO but I had to share because it DID HAPPEN! And the poor guy did it in his sleep! How do you combat that?! Hopefully the fact that he’s a super deep sleeper will help?! But already normal itchy balls plus a healing wound down there can equal danger. So, spread the word cause this story blew my mind!
P.S. we recently went on a trip to North Carolina to attend one of my Hubby’s fellow Marine’s retirement ceremony. If you’re interested in that story pop over and read, NC trip was finally hereeeee!!!, but first read, Spontaneous (sort of) Trip, trust me, you want the background first…
Anyways, before we left for the NC trip Hubby had just gotten his V, and he legit said, “I just know one of these a** holes is gonna try and sack tap me at some point…!” To which i said, “Well, don’t be a smart a** and ask for it!” Well, sure as s*** it was late – super late – at the after party (the bar officially closed at 10 PM and it was midnight at this point) so needless to say these rowdy Marines were feeling good – when Hubby popped off to one of his buddies and they faked a sack tap! Now, they faked it – so contact wasn’t ever made… but, Hubby about hit the floor and i yelled (while laughing hysterically) “Oh no, he just had the big V!” Everyone was watching and I swear in unison they went, “What?! Really?!” So, i, (still laughing), went, “Yeah! That’s why he’s wearing sweats! He’d never wear sweats to this otherwise!”
So, his friend goes, “Dude, I’m so sorry, i had no idea!” Then immediately said, “You know, I had the big V, then got it reversed… you don’t know real pain until you have that s*** reversed!” Which subsequently ended any hopes of us ever reversing it. Hubby dead straight said absolutely NOT! But then again… he’s still healing, so the pain is fresh in his head… IF we ever want more, maybe he will forget by then?!?!?! 😅
The first real accident is terrifying, I wrote about it in, “First Terrifying Accident.” I know, super clever, but the name says it all! However, it doesn’t take long to get used to the small trips and face plants, especially as they are learning to crawl and stand.
Earlier in the week my sis, The Godmother, came over and was holding our boy on the couch. He was standing on her leg leaning over the arm of the couch looking out the window. Well, all of a sudden he lurched away from the couch to grab at a box of tissues on the window sill and he hit the side of his head on the window sill. It could have been a lot worse, but my sis had a hand on him, so she caught him before he hit the ground! She scooped him up and comforted him and gave me a look of pure panic. I said, it’s ok, that sucked buddy, but you’ll be ok! Auntie’s got you.
After we calmed him down, we saw that a tiny bruise was forming next to his eye. She goes, oh my gosh, I gave him a black eye!!! No you didn’t! He lurched, fell, and hit his face. Luckily you grabbed him before he hit the floor! Yeah, but he fell on my watch. Girl, you have any idea how much these kids fall on my watch?! You didn’t mean for this to happen, it isn’t like you let it happen! I promise, you’re fine and he’s fine. The first “bad” one is always scary, but this so wasn’t your fault! She half believed me and calmed down.
Well, a few days later Hubby, the babies and I had all had dinner and our little girl had already passed out, but our boy got a second wind! We put him on the living room floor and let him crawl around, play with some toys, then he crawled over and stood next to me on the couch. My legs were propped up on an ottoman and he would go back and forth from the ottoman back to the couch all while holding onto my legs. And he was talking the entire time. So cute!
Well, he did this about 10 times and was headed back towards the ottoman when he tripped. I watched as my poor baby hit his mouth on the ottoman and landed on a pillow on the floor. He immediately started crying as I jumped up to scoop him into my arms. Baby Girl was asleep, so I took him back into our bedroom and shut the door. I rocked him and talked to him and held him close, but I knew how bad that must have hurt! And I knew how bad mouth wounds can bleed!
I pulled him out of my chest to check him (still crying) and yep, his mouth was bloody. Poor guy! I grabbed a tissue and dabbed what I could away to see to make sure it wasn’t serious. I’d dab, and then hold him close, then dab some more, until I got a good look. Luckily it was just a fat lip from his new baby teeth squishing his lip between them and the ottoman when he hit it. It’s still a bad one, they cut his lip pretty good, but at least his brand new tiny sharp teeth didn’t go all the way through his lip!!! 🙏
I got him calmed down and turned on Ms.Rachel and snuggled him in bed. I called for Hubby who came in and our boy immediately got up and started crawling towards him whining. Like, “Daddy help me, I’m hurt! Eh, eh, eh.” It was so sweet! I went, oh hun, he wants his Dad, he’s fine, but he’s actually hurt, that fall gave him a bad fat lip, and i held up the bloody tissue to show him. He goes, “Oh Buddy.” Our boy is still mid crawl towards him and he goes, oh gosh can I go pee real fast? No, pick him up! So little man makes it over to Dad who picks him up and loves on him. I went over and said, hey how bout we snuggle and watch your show while Daddy goes to the bathroom?? He will be right back. I take him and he starts to cry. I go, see? See why you had to take the 2 seconds to pick him up? He needs some Dad lovins! He doesn’t feel good!
Ugh my hubby is an amazing Dad, but sometimes he can be so dense. I know he thought well if I pick him up I won’t be able to put him down for an hour… and man I have to pee… but it was much more important to pick up his son in that moment and then our son could wait after that for Dad to pee. Or hell, go pee holding him, s*** I have to do that alllllllll the time with BOTH kids! Again, men can be so dense sometimes, but it isn’t all or nothing lol and at least he asked and then listened when I said no, pick him up!
Anyways, I jokingly call our little boy Bruiser because I know that is what he’s going to be! I know this is the first of many, MANY, bumps and bruises, but dang! To have the first two face injuries happen in the same week?! C’mon slugger slow down!!! Poor little guy looks like he got into a fist fight and we have swim lessons tomorrow! I hope his little lip is healed up and he doesn’t get chlorine in there!!!
…I know, everyone feels this way, AND YOU SHOULD!!! Well, every now and then, when they DESERVE IT, that is…!
Hello Tired Troopers!
Not to brag, but to totally 1000% brag… I LUCKED OUT BIG TIME AND GOT THE BEST BABIES IN THE WORLD! Let me explain, so remember my post Treat Them Like Little Humans And They Will Rise To The Expectation? Well that was always my plan because that’s how I was raised and it was further reinforced with the few parenting books I’ve read so far. One of my favorites being, Bringing Up Bebé. Basically if you treat them like people (not babies) they will act like people. Now this isn’t treating them like adults, they’re babies for goodness sake! But treating them like little people who have their own likes and dislikes and can work through problems and learn and grow. It’s never too early to treat a child like an actual person. For example, I took advice straight out of the book Bringing Up Bebé, and literally took my kids around our house and gave them a full on tour the first day we brought them home. Now, our house is very small, so the tour was pretty short, but that is the kind of precedence we wanted to set for our kids. Just treat them like little tiny brand new family members, because that’s what they are!
Now this isn’t a full proof system, if it was every baby would slide right into their new roles and immediately start helping out lol sure, yeah, right! I’m just saying that I really do believe there is something to this! And even if it doesn’t work for you and your kids at first, maybe it will at 3 months, maybe it will at 6 mo or 1 yr or whatever. It will build and build on itself as your child grows up. Your expectations will change as needed to be age appropriate, but your expectations will build upon themselves and your child will build their skills as well. Win, win! Plus, in treating them like the little humans they are and not “babying them” they will have the freedom to hit or even surpass your expectations earlier than they would otherwise. I believe it will also give them a stronger sense of self, a lot of self-confidence, and make for a stronger family bond.
Another example that Bringing Up Bebé talks about is the fact that French babies start “doing their nights” AKA sleeping through the night, way earlier than American babies. The theory is that French families treat babies like tiny brand new family members (remember, they do the house tours too, etc.) with the same or similar expectations that all the members of the family have. The average baby in France starts sleeping through the night at 3 months. Well, is it just a coincidence that the average French working mom goes back to work at 3 months OR could it be because in treating the baby like an actual person who is part of the family with their own expectations the baby realizes it’s their responsibility to start “doing their nights” so mom can rest and go to work in the morning…??? I really do believe that children are 100% pure potential and have way more understanding then we could ever imagine. Way more than we can fathom from day one. The more we try to nurture that in our children, the more it will grow. And it’s never too early to start!
Shoot, I actually started it when my babies were still in the womb. I lost my first pregnancy and was terrified it would happen again… so first of all, as soon as I knew I was pregnant again I told them to hang on and stay in there… which they accomplished! Then, when my little girl’s tummy was measuring in the 1.6th percentile I told her to hang on and rest and grow as much as possible and I told her brother to look out for his sister and to take care of her. Now, I don’t have any proof that my kids did this just because I talked to them, BUT they did do it and I sure started treating them like little members of the family as soon as I knew they existed.
Now, it could be how my husband and I have decided to raise them in this way or it could be complete dumb luck or some sort of combo of the two BUT my kids have been sleeping through the night since 3 months old. They never cry, and when they finally do it’s because something is actually wrong. Loud noises and our dogs barking at every delivery person that comes to the door doesn’t wake them and if they do wake them they put themselves right back to sleep. If they can tell I’m tired or stressed they let me sleep. They sleep in in the mornings and go to bed early! It’s like from 3 months on they understood that they are part of this family and in this family everyone pitches in, so somehow they figured out how to pitch in where they can. How did I get this lucky?! And I’m not saying it’s all rainbows and unicorn farts at my house cause its far from it. And it took work to get them to sleep through the night, see my blog, “Sleep Training”. But I have to give my kids credit where credit is due! Some of my closest friends have horror stories about their kids and that just hasn’t been my experience so far!
A gf did say her easy baby was a hard toddler and her hard baby was an easy toddler, so maybe my time is still coming… (dun, dun, duuuuuunnn) but for now I truly do have the best kids in the whole world!!! So I better get my shit together now juuuuust in case shit ends up hitting the fan later… so stay tuned cause i know that’s inevitable!
The first 3 months were crazy hard though and taking care of them is still crazy hard even with sleeping at night and full time help! But my kids were absolutely amazing today and I just appreciate how they really try to help where they can. I’m just so thankful for them and had to give them kudos big time! Thank you babies, I love you more than you could ever know! Your tired, TIRED Mama thanks you with all her heart!
As some of you know, my hubby is a Marine. One of his brothers from service invited him to his retirement ceremony 2 years in advance. We talked about it and I said i was in if he wanted to go, or if he wanted to go just him or whatever, but I knew seeing his buddy and whoever else was going would be great for all of them. Well, surprise, surprise, hubby drug his feet, forgot, remembered again, talked to me about it, decided he didn’t want to go (it’s clear across the country from us), I tried to talk him into going, no it’s too far and the babies, blah, blah, blah.
Welp 3 weeks before the retirement ceremony hubby goes, hey soooooooooooo remember my buddies retirement? Yeahhhhhhhhhhh…………. well I’m really sorry, but I’d like to go now. Ok, well, good. When is it again? Um, so, that’s the thing, uh, it’s on the 25th. OF THIS MONTH?! Yeahhhhh. THATS IN 3 WEEKS! Yeah. Ugh, you s***, I begged you… I know, I know, you were right… (I totally made him say it again) YOU WERE RIGHT (*kiss* – which i received reluctantly).
So, I did what i do best and rallied our own troops together to make this last minute trip happen. I called upon my Mom (G’ma) and sis (The Godmother) to watch the kids, booked the flights, rental car, hotel, etc., allllllllll locked down. Then went crap, Hubby’s vasectomy is on the 19th! Ugh, I really dont want to push it (they’re 2 months out in scheduling), but can he even fly that soon after the procedure?! Is that even safe?! Ugh! So i called the doctor, doc said he didn’t advise it cause he doesn’t want him to lift a suitcase, etc. Ok, I’ll do all the lifting, etc. So we decided to keep his original appointment for the 19th. That’s a whole other story please see my blog, “It’s A Vasecto-ME, Not A Vasecto-YOU,” if you’re interested…
Once I got most everything lined out to be able to actually go and the dust started to settle, then it sank in… um, I am so not where I want to be physically for a trip like this! I’m so proud of my body for giving me my 2 amazing, perfect, babies BUT THE AFTERMATH IS STILL DEVISTATING! My body is still “destroyed” in my eyes. I actually weigh less than I did prior to being pregnant, but my poor tummy is still very stretched out. Honestly I still look pregnant, but with a “single baby” this time. Housing my two babies for almost 8 months acting as a duplex pushed my belly out past its limit and it’s just not going back. Now, have I been working out? Nope. Not even a little bit. The most exercise i get is picking my babies up and lugging them around. Oh balls! And I have to meet all his military buddies?! And their wives?! Yikes! Well, I got over this pretty quick, cause they all know we have 10 mo twins and those who don’t I’ll be sure to tell lol so I’m going to rock my post preggo new mommy bod.
This positive attitude lasted until I started trying to find what I should wear. Ever since getting pregnant all I wear is leggings and baggy tops, usually paired with a ballcap in the summer and a beanie in the winter… sooooooooooo I had some work to do. I tried on practically everything I own and it either didn’t fit or I didn’t feel good in it. Ugh, flash back to the dreaded dressing room nightmares of my youth, here we go!
So, I turned to online shopping. Amazon, help me out here! I ordered a few dresses, some off-the-shoulder tops (I think they’re comfy and sexy, hello?! Off-the-shoulder = showing some skin = sexy! … Right?! My sis thinks I wear them too much and that what I pair them with makes me look frumpy… ouch!) But of course I appreciate the honesty, I just don’t agree lol.
Well the dresses came and they were plenty fine, but again I didn’t feel good in them. I tried them on for mom and sis and i said I look kind of matronly huh? They both agreed, “well, just a little…” DAMNIT!
My saint of a sister, The Godmother, The LEGEND to the rescue! She went home and grabbed some things for me to try. Some jean shorts, a few cute shirts (not off the shoulder) and some cute dresses. Of which 2 I found i actually liked and felt pretty ok in! Hallelujah! Thank you God!!! At least i have something to fall back on cause we fly out in 4 days and I’m running out of time for Prime shipping!
Now, I sincerely hope this isn’t a big fat TMI, but I have to tell you because it really sets the tone of exactly what I was going through. So, my sis brings over the clothes, I start trying them on in the living room, kids are crawling around on the floor playing with toys, knocking stuff over, pulling books off the shelves, op one wants to be picked up, op now the other one wants to be picked up, etc., etc., sis is helping me navigate the kiddos while providing feedback once I finally get an outfit on. Hubby is laid up in our bedroom with a bag of peas on his two favorite soldiers because that morning was the big V-Day. I was honestly super glad he was indisposed and missed my fashion show fiasco!
After the first few outfits, I remembered the specific pair of undies I was currently wearing. I laughed and went hey, just don’t look at my undies… see? And I popped out from behind the couch and she dies! For some reason in the last few weeks I’ve lost 99% of my undies and the ones that were left were either in the dirty clothes or the “last resort” pair I had on. Which had a giant gaping hole right in the front! To add insult to injury i haven’t uh, “landscaped” in forever, soooooooo yep, my big ol’ bush was out and proud waving hello through the gaping hole! Such a fine moment for me! Like i said, just set the exact tone of the situation I was going through.
Her jaw dropped then she burst into laughter. I yell over her chuckles, “DUDE! I have like no underwear! I have no idea where they went, but I like lost them ALL!” She no joke goes, “Holy crap me too! I literally just put undies in my cart today, I’m just waiting for Prime Day!” To which I responded, “I just ordered a pack today so I’d have undies for our trip!!!” You CAN’T MAKE THIS UP! Needless to say we had fun during my hot-mess-express-HELP-ME-911 fashion show!
And please don’t get me wrong, body positivity on any shape, size, gender or whatever is sexy! I don’t care what you look like, I don’t care if you’re short, tall, 1lb, a million lbs, or anywhere in between! If you want to rock a crop top or sexy skirt or off-the-shoulder shirt or whatever you rock it! All I’m saying is that my body changed so fast during pregnancy, then changed again instantly when I gave birth, then left me with a body that still feels like a stranger to me. So, I’m just not used to what I have right now. I’ve found that leggings, a baggy top and usually a hat are comfy and make me feel good. That look i can and do ROCK! But having a formal event thrown in my face where I’m meeting fellow Marines who are super important to my husband and their partners who I’m sure are all lovely has just been a lot! I’m navigating this as best I can and luckily have a wonderfully supportive family and hubby who lift me up when i need it. I just know that if I’m struggling with this, others might be too. So, I’m sharing this story to let them know they soooooo aren’t alone, the struggle is real, and hopefully made you all laugh like we did about this!
P.S. I threw those damn undies away as soon as they come off! There was no saving them, they were too far gone! Hello?! GAPING HOLE HAIRY PEEK-A-BOO HERE I AM NIGHTMARE! Now I need to go do some laundry… and hopefully my new undies make it in time, cause I currently don’t have enough pairs for how many days we will be gone!!! Just. My. Luck.
P.P.S. The new pack of undies came in time, thank God! NC here I come!
Swim time!!!!!! Before having kids I was so impressed with the babies, BABIES – like can’t walk or talk yet babies – that couldn’t necessarily swim, but if they were thrown, yes, thrown into a pool, they could crocodile/tad pole wiggle up to the surface and flip over onto their backs and keep themselves afloat long enough to survive in an accident. I thought this was the coolest thing I’d ever seen!!! Seriously look it up, cause the videos are crazy, they don’t look real! Like a defying gravity type of unreal!
NOW I AM NOT CONDONING THROWING YOUR BABY, CHILD OR EVEN PET INTO THE WATER, but these videos taught me that it really isn’t ever too soon to start teaching your kid to swim. Flash forward and my babies are 11 months old. My NICU Baby Buddy texted me about a local swim class that she signed her 10 month old son up for and asked if we wanted to join. I immediately felt the “Mommy Guilt” of already being behind because the old baby swim videos I had seen immediately popped into my head and I thought oh crap, those babies were way smaller than my kids! But, that’s why you have a tribe! She reached out to share this experience with us, bless you NICU Baby Buddy!!!
I’m also going to preface this with an old extended family story. My grandparents had a pool growing up and my grandpa was a cement mason, so this pool was legit. It was built in the classic peanut shape profile with a large shallow end that drastically sloped down into a large deep end all surrounded by concrete flatwork. Now, as an adult, being a fan of construction myself, it really was a thing of beauty… it was so overbuilt that it will probably still be standing a million years from now. But back to the story…
What i was told was that a cousin of mine was 2 years old and she could walk. Well, her family had gone over to our grandparents house to carpool to dinner or some “event” where they were “all dressed up”. Sure as s*** my cousin went tottling over to the pool, fell in, and proceeded to sink to the bottom. Her mother realized and ran to the edge of the pool and stopped, looked down at her outfit, and went, “George, GO GET HER!” To which my uncle jumped in and saved her.
Now, my aunt was a saint, I’m 100% sure she probably saw the entire thing happen and therefore knew my cousin was fine and that my uncle had ample time to save her, but still! It is a now funny family story that has more turned into an old family legend than anything. In my head I always pictured my aunt in a silk baby blue evening gown, a pearl necklace and white opera-length gloves (I know I’m wrong, but I heard this story when I was teeny tiny, so that’s apparently what my little brain thought of as “all dressed up” and is just what i always pictured lol). So, of course she told my uncle to jump in to get her! Hello, evening gown?! Haha anyways, I just grew up knowing of a first-hand account of how dangerous pools + babies were and it has always stuck with me. I even know grown adults to this day who still don’t know how to swim!!! So, I am bound and determined for my babies to learn to swim as early as possible!
Back to our first swim lesson! Now what Mommy wears is a whole other deal – one I already talked about in my blog, “Spontaneous (sort of) Trip” and my product review on TA3 and Yitty swimsuits. So, I’m not going to unpack that again here… I will just say I knew exactly which tummy-sucking-in-waist-sinching swimsuit and swim skirt (not just for Granny’s… anymore!) I was going to ROCK at the pool! And I honestly felt really confident! Thank you Lizzo! I see you girl!
Enough about me though, I was way more excited to see my babies in the adorable hand-me-down swim suits we got from Tulip Mama! Now, I knew I’d need to get the kids swim diapers, but what the hell were those and how the hell do they work?! Not gonna lie, I totally looked this up… for those of you like me who don’t know, a swim diaper is nonabsorbent, it is designed to freely allow liquid to pass through it. It is only designed to keep in solids. Ok, so pee can pass through, poop can’t. Got it. Makes sense, a normal diaper would puff up instantly and weigh the kids down… ladies, picture your tampons hitting the toilet water… lol Well, at first I was going to buy disposable swim diapers, but a few clicks later in my research I saw reusable swim diapers. They looked just like the cloth cover up diapers my MIL bought us. I ran to check that what she gifted us would work and they were PERFECT!
Holy crap! We actually have a use for these now! Side note, my MIL is a hippy (in the best sense) who read up on “all the chemicals” in disposable diapers, blah, blah, blah. I was totally open to the idea of using reusable cloth diapers until we found out we were having twins! That ship sailed immediately! But, her gift didn’t completely go to waste because we ended up using the super absorbent cloth diaper liners as burp rags! They were PERFECT for this! We have used the crap out of them (pun intended). And now the 6 outer cloth cover ups that have been in a drawer for the past 11 months also had a use! Woo hoo!
Ok, so now I knew exactly what I was going to wear, exactly what my babies were going to wear, I had figured out the mystery behind swim diapers, and apparently already had 6 of them ready to go! Check, check, check! But, what in the heck am I supposed to expect for a swim class designed for 0-2 year olds? Ok, guess I’m looking it up again… Reddit to the rescue! Have you ever noticed that you can ask the most random questions and sure as s*** you will come across multiple Reddit posts that answer your question perfectly?!
Well, in reading Reddit posts I came across a wonderful tip. One Mama said she would dress her kid in their swim diaper and swimsuit before leaving the house, but because swim diapers don’t contain pee, she would put a regular diaper on the outside of everything, then pull the regular diaper off before showering with her baby and getting into the pool. Absolute GENIUS! Especially when the baby swimsuit doesn’t have crotch snaps, which both of ours didn’t. We totally did this, and she was right, it looks weird, but it totally worked! I took their regular diapers off just before showering and yep, both wet! Thank you for your advice Reddit Mama!
I wore my bathing suit, swim skirt and a baggy off-the-shoulder tee there and back home, I just sat on my towel for the ride home. I was really glad I put the kids in their suits at home cause it was a bit of a hassle, but I changed them into dry clothes there. Worked great! P.S. after this first swim lesson I just started taking the kids home in only dry diapers, because getting their wet swimsuits off, then dry clothes immediately on was more of a hassle that the kids didn’t like and it was plenty warm to rock a diaper for the drive home.
We run a man-to-man defense in my family, so 99% of the time we rock a 1:1 adult to baby ratio, and I knew we would need that for this class. So, my sister, The Godmother, The LEGEND, took our son and I took our daughter. Hubby and G’ma came to watch the excitement! (Hubby was still healing from his vasectomy, so he didn’t want to get into the pool just yet). Plus they were able to get awesome pics of their first swim lesson! So, take a support person, trust me! Shoot even of it’s 2 adults and 1 kid, both of you get in the pool with them if you want to! You can take turns with your kid during the lesson, which is what we ended up doing… but I’m getting there….
Still in my research of what to expect at a baby swim lesson I learned that it’s mostly singing songs and just introducing your baby to water. Ok, no prob! I’m sure every swim class is different, but this one was a bit more than a simple introduction… For the first activity, what the instructor had us do was put our babies sitting up on the ledge of the pool and us parents were in the pool facing them. We sang a song (that she didn’t teach us) and had them “jump” off the side, kick out, turn around, kick back, and climb back up the pool side with hands and feet… talk about sink or swim time lol luckily the “song” was short and simple, but making my baby who had only been in the bathtub at this point do this advanced series of moves wasn’t as easy! Talk about jumping into the deep end feet first!
My little girl did NOT like this first activity, so I used most of the time to calm her down and talk to her and acclimate her to the water. She did much better with the rest of the activities, but the first one just put a damper on the whole lesson. Then, my poor little baby started shivering. It was a heated pool and 96 degrees outside, but it was a little breezy and she runs cold anyways, so half way through I called it and handed her to Hubby. I then, turned my attention to my sister and our son, who were both ROCKING it by the way! Our son is a lot more outgoing, so at one point even the teacher came up and used him as an example to dunk him under the water!!! Whoa! He handled it like a champ!
Well, the teacher not realizing I had handed our daughter to my husband dead serious looked at me and went, “Where is your baby?!” I explained she got too cold and was safe snuggled in a towel with Dad. She laughed (luckily) and goes, “Oh, ok, as long as she isn’t on the bottom, we’re good.” In my head I thought, um, has that actually happened before?! Eeks!
So, the rest of the lesson went great. Sis and I took turns with our boy and by the end he was tired, you could see it in his eyes. They both passed out on the ride home. When we got home I immediately jumped onto Amazon to see if I could get a little baby insulated wetsuit for our daughter before the next class. Amazon to the rescue! The classes are Tuesdays and Thursdays and the wetsuit I found was available to be delivered next day, YES!!! So, hopefully she is more comfortable next time and can stay in the water for the entire class. Stay tuned…
The Godmother, The LEGEND, and Tired Mama and Baby Boy at the first swim lesson! Sharing because Baby Girl had already gotten too cold to continue…
Update: I was able to get a wetsuit for our daughter from Amazon in time for our next class and it was a game changer! She was much warmer and therefore much more comfortable and was able to stay in the pool for the entire class! Yay!!!!! And it sure turns heads! We have used it now for 3 swim classes and every single class so far people have come up to me and said, I’ve never seen a baby wetsuit before! Do you like it? Where did you get it?! Baby girl might look like she’s ready for deep sea diving, but she’s a trendsetter!
🎵Rock-a-bye baby in the treetop. When the wind blows the cradle will rock, when the bow breaks, the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all..🎶
Well I hate that one! How creepy, just sticking your kid up in the trees waiting for the bow to inevitably break?! Um whaaaaaaa? It’s disturbing!! Well, we had our first serious incident today and it was absolutely terrifying.
Like any newbie idiot parent I became complicit with safety. Well, maybe more towards the realm of I was too casual and confident in my baby’s lack of movements. For instance, they don’t bounce in their bouncer chairs. They just sit there and suck on their binkies or play with a toy. No big deal. Welp, my mom had put my daughter in the bouncer on a table (that we have done a million times before) I was 10′ away sitting on the couch with my mom’s laptop on my lap figuring out computer stuff for her. I looked up and she was sitting there peacefully playing with a toy, I looked back down at the computer and… CRASH!
I looked up to just see my baby’s chair slide off of the table and crash to the floor. In a single move I leaped off the couch computer fell to the floor and I ended up kicking it in the air as it fell when I ran to help her. Luckily her fall was interrupted briefly by an ottoman and the couch, which she pin balled off of! But, in doing so it softened the fall. Thank God she didn’t go head first onto our hard wood floors!!!
She was upside down still strapped in the jumper. I scooped her up as quickly and gently as I could, flipped her over onto the couch, unhooked her and held her tight. She was screaming and crying because she was so scared. But mom and I did a quick once over and she was perfectly fine, just very shook up. I held her and tried to calm her down and started crying. I was shaking I was so worked up. I got myself and her calmed down and gave her to mom. Then I really let myself cry. That was a scared like I’ve never felt before. My blood went cold, I started shaking and felt like I could throw up. But even through all of that i knew I couldn’t lose it because my baby needed me to remain as calm as possible and quickly remedy the situation. That’s why I didn’t cry until it was “over” and safe to do so.
I calmed down and we did a thorough check for any injuries and luckily she was A-OK! THANK GOD!!!!! Now, that was completely stupid and negligent, but like I said, I was overly confident in how both my babies don’t move around a whole lot… yet… I was NOT expecting my baby girl to go bucking herself so hard that she moved the chair off the table!!!! Lesson learned, I will NEVER do that again.
Kids will fall down, but please my Tired Troopers, please use more common sense than I did! You’re not being over protective hypochondriacs! Preventative measures matter! And these kids grow up way faster than any of us can possibly keep up with, so the more we can do to help prevent major accidents the better!
Now the moment you’ve all been waiting for, it’s everyone’s favorite award season… it’s the Dunce Awards!!!!!
Today’s Dunce Award is sponsored by ignorance and negligence. Drumroll please…………. and the winner is….. The Tired Mama who knows better, but did it anywayyyyyyyy. Along with this prestigious award she’s also taking away a forever cringe worthy moment! Let’s give her a judgmental round of applause! 👏 👏 👏
DISCLAIMER: This post is about pregnancy loss, so I wanted to make a note for those of you who are not ready to read about this topic – because for a long time I wasn’t.
I’ve been putting off writing this blog for some time now. I know it’s important to share stories of loss, but opening this door again wide enough to write a full depth blog post wasn’t something I was looking forward to. Mama Bear, who is my Soul Sister / bestie / oldest running friend (we literally met in preschool) told me she miscarried today and I didn’t know what to say. I have been through this and I still didn’t know exactly what I should say or could possibly say to help or make her feel better. But then I realized there isn’t anything that you can say that will take all the pain away or change the fact that at one moment she was going to be a mother of a precious child and in another moment she wasn’t. So, I ended up telling her how sorry I was, how much I loved her, how strong she is and that I lost a pregnancy too. I decided that it was time to write this blog and in doing so I’d be back in my place of loss and hopefully could be in a frame of mind that would better help my friend through this.
So, here goes;
My precious Poppy,
I need to preface this by saying that my husband and I got married later in life. We met and started dating when I was 25 and he was 32. We dated for 7 years before we got engaged, waited another year to get married and we wanted to just be married for a bit before we had kids. So, I was 34 when we started “trying”. We didn’t try in the beginning, we just “pulled the goalie” meaning we stopped using all contraceptives. I knew we were older, so I didn’t want to put the extra stress of following my ovulation or anything like that right off the bat. Plus my ovulation has always been all over the place, not regular at all. So, we pulled the goalie in December and by April we were pregnant! For those of you who don’t realize, that’s only 5 ovulations, so 5 chances to actually get pregnant. I came to find out that in order to get pregnant it takes all the planets aligning, all the wishes in the world to come true AND a miracle to conceive, but I didn’t realize this at the time of my first pregnancy because like I said, we weren’t trying, we simply stopped not trying to get pregnant and it actually worked! Hallelujah!!!
Let me tell you how I found out I was pregnant for the first time…
I had just discovered the show Tucci in Italy (HIGHLY recommend by the way..) and saw the episode on the fried artichoke hearts and wanted to try it myself! Hubby and I love artichokes, so I thought this would be a real treat! I’ve never deep fried anything, but I’m not stupid… or so I thought… well the recipe called for super hot oil, and my dumb ass thought that putting a lid on the oil would help it heat up faster just like it does when you boil water. That was mistake #1. THEN I had the brilliant idea of taking the artichokes outside on our back porch to clean and trim down to expose the hearts. It was such a pretty afternoon, sun was out, it smelled so fresh, warm, just perfect. That was mistake #2. THENNNNN I doubled down by putting these two brilliant ideas together by putting the pot of oil on the stove, covered, on high, and going outside to trim the artichokes down while the oil came up to temp. This was the catastrophic mistake #3. Again, my dumb ass I guess forgot that oil will combust on its own if heated to an extreme degree, and I was treating it like a pot of boiling water… so SO stupid. Welp, I’m sitting there outside with my husband (who didn’t know I had the pot of oil on the stove) trimming down the artichokes when I started smelling strong garlic… (to make the fried artichokes extra yummy I decided to use an entire bottle of special garlic olive oil to fry them in…) I smelled the garlic and my eyes got wide. It was like in the movies when the camera closes in and the main character realizes all of their life failures at once… THAT IS WHAT I DID.
I jumped up and opened the sliding glass door into the kitchen and saw a wall of flames coming off of the stove. I yelled fire to my husband and ran inside to look for my phone to dial 911. While I was looking for my phone, my husband had gotten all of our fire extinguishers and started trying to put out the wall of oven flames. He succeeded to put the fire out twice, but everything was so hot that it only lasted a few seconds and it burst into flames again… so not my finest hour (I’m literally cringing just writing this). Meanwhile our house is filling up with smoke and I still can’t find my damn phone. My mom lives 3 houses down, so I gave up looking after 30 seconds that felt like forever and sprinted to her house. I banged on the door, she answered immediately and all I said was fire at my house call 911!! I turned to run back to the house, stopped, whipped back around and yelled, “GREASE, it’s a grease fire”, then ran home. By then neighbors of our cul-de-sac were out in our front yard when I came running back and one goes, is there anyone left inside? And I said my husband and ran into the wall of black smoke inside to look for him. I screamed his name all throughout the house and then ran out into the back yard to find him there with our two dogs. So, everyone got out safe. The fire department arrived in 5 minutes flat and was able to put out the fire. To add insult to injury my mom is a volunteer for the fire department, she isn’t a fire fighter, but she’s on their Air Support Team, who support the fire fighters when they are called out to fires, so we know the entire department because of her. It was super embarrassing, but also very comforting to have friends there saving my house. One of the fire fighters who I have literally known all my life walks up to me and goes haha I think you might want this, and hands me my cell phone. Then he laughs and goes, sorry for getting it wet, it was right next to the stove, so we accidentally got it with the hose.
Once everything calmed down and we were checked out by the paramedics I broke down in tears. I ruined our home over the dumbest mistake I’ve ever made. Just completely careless, brain dead, POS, loser, you’re smarter than this, you know better… (this self punishment went on for a long time, it will always be a cringe worthy memory for me)…
Anyways, this story is about Poppy not my ridiculously stupid house fire. Well because we had been trying to get pregnant I hadn’t been drinking to “keep my system clean”. Well my hubby grabbed our super nice bottle of whisky that we got from an auction at H&H (please look up Heroes and Horses, it’s a wonderful organization). Which was half charred from the fire to all take 1 shot to calm the F down. I gave him “the look” so he found a private moment to ask what was up. I said, “Listen, I don’t think I am, but will you run home to grab a pregnancy test for me? I feel like I should take one before I take a shot.” He said no problem and ran home to grab one. I took it and it was negative, so I was in the clear.
The next day I was feeling much worse, super sad, mad at myself, unsure of what we were going to do… that I wanted to actually drink not just have one shot. It was weird something told me to take another test even though I had just taken a test the day before and it was negative. So, I went back to our charred, ashy, broken home and grabbed another pregnancy test out of the bathroom cabinet. I took it in my sister’s home bathroom (she lives 5 houses down from me) and it was POSITIVE. We were actively “trying” and upon seeing the positive result I literally said “oh s***” out loud in the bathroom. Which surprised me, because getting pregnant is something we really wanted, but c’mon the circumstances now were not ideal! But right after the “oh s***” moment I got really, really, realllllllllly exited! Talk about going from an ultimate low to an ultimate high! I couldn’t wait to tell my hubby I was pregnant!
I told my husband and we decided to tell the family because we all needed a win. So, I found out I was pregnant for the first time the day after our house fire and I was on cloud 9! Everything was going to be ok, I’d make sure it was ok! There was going to be a baby! I named it Poppy because I downloaded one of those pregnancy apps and it said that for how far along I was that the baby was the size of a poppy seed. This pure joy lasted exactly one week. I started to bleed. I panicked and called around to see where I could get a pregnancy test at a doctors office. I couldn’t even get into Planned Parenthood. I finally found a lab that would check the amount of HCG in your blood. I went and had my blood drawn for this test. I also purchased more pregnancy tests because the HCG test would take a few days to get the results. All the subsequent tests I took came out negative. I was devastated.
I felt so stupid for telling everyone I was pregnant. I felt like losing the pregnancy was my fault. I hated my body because it couldn’t do the one thing it was literally made for. How did I lose this baby?! Could it have been the terrifying stress of the house fire?! Then my thoughts got super dark… so I got my period, that meant I shed everything… including my precious baby. Really?! I have to flush my precious baby down the toilet?! THEN I desperately thought, maybe I can see it, like get some closure?! But no, it was too tiny – a little blood clot that was too small to even notice… the size of a poppy seed… Again, I was WRECKED! I stayed in bed for 5 days straight. Then, my mom, bless her soul, thought that the new movie, Lial Lial Crocodile, would cheer me up, cause how could it not?! It’s an adorable movie about a singing croc, C’mon?! I laid my head in her lap and cried through the whole movie. Then, I felt bad for ruining the movie for everyone!
THEN I started downplaying my own grief!! I was like ok, so you were pregnant and thought u were going to be a mom… big deal… what? That lasted a whole week…?! Oh, some big loss! That’s nothing compared to these poor women who have still births or are much farther along than you were… which is a nightmare that no one should go through, but a loss is a loss. I still thought I was going to be a mom… There was going to be a baby and I was going to me it’s mama, then nothing. And I didn’t get to hold my baby, I had to flush it down the toilet. So f’ed up.
Exactly 2 weeks later I got a notice that a certified letter arrived at the post office for me. Which I thought was super weird because I didn’t have a PO Box… my sister gave me a ride down to the post office and I went in to get the letter. I was really nervous, who would be sending me a certified letter? Why? Am I being sued?? Doesn’t someone walk up to you and hand you the letter and say, “You’ve been served”, when you’re getting sued??? That’s what happens on TV…? Well the post office found my letter and gave it to me. I ran to the car and opened it. It was from the lab where I had my blood drawn to check my hCG levels. It confirmed that I in fact, had been pregnant. I just started bawling. Thank God my sister drove me, I definitely didn’t want to be alone in that moment.
Miscarriage is extremely common. Something like 1 in 4 pregnancies are miscarriages and that’s just the norm! I don’t mean to discourage anyone with that fact, I only want people to be aware of how common it actually is. I had no idea and I for sure never thought it could happen to me! It hit me harder than anything I had ever experienced before. But, once I got the courage to talk about it I found out many of my friends had had them as well. I had a girlfriend who had 5 miscarriages before she had her beautiful healthy little girl and she just had a beautiful healthy boy! It is just an unfortunate truth that every woman needs to talk about. We need to stop blaming ourselves and be there for one another and the only way to do that is to talk about it! I pray you never go through anything close to this. But if you do, it will be ok. Just work on having the courage to talk about it. It isn’t your fault!
Now once I felt comfortable enough to start trying again after our miscarriage I would still cringe and get pissed at diaper commercials or the baby isle in the store, etc. It was so incredibly gut wrenching how negative test after negative test was! It felt like everyone was having babies and I wasn’t. So, so unfair! I even got jealous of this adorable little preggo mama who was waddling into the store with her hubby and 3 other kids bopping around… I literally thought, B u already have 3, why do you get another one and I have none?! Yep – I hit rock bottom…
But then again, at least I knew I could get pregnant, but why wasn’t it happening again?! This jealousy and sadness lasted a long, long time. I swear it lasted just up until I got pregnant again. Once I let go of or got over the jealousy, I finally got pregnant… coincidence, maybe, but I know harboring those feelings wasn’t helping anyone… the sadness however still comes and goes. But, like any loss it’s something that will always be there.
I just recently learned that a rainbow baby is a baby you have after a miscarriage because after the storm there is a rainbow. Which I think is beautiful. I was blessed with a set of twins my second pregnancy. I was so lucky I got a double rainbow! Now, if I would have carried Poppy to full term I wouldn’t have had the babies that I have now. I couldn’t imagine my life without these two – and I believe I will meet my angel baby, Poppy, someday… and they will meet their Dad, brother, and sister! And get this – my twin’s birth flower is THE POPPY! Can you believe it?! How special is that?! That’s definitely what I would call A God Thing!
Mama Bear had an amazing idea. She is going to give her angel baby a Viking send off on what would have been their birthday. She is shutting off her phone and running to the mountains and river where she laid flowers to rest for her Grandma. She said this idea helped her feel so much better because it will be a form of closure… a better end than a flush. She invited me to go with her! I was so completely touched and honored that she would share this intimate experience with me. We are going to pack a lunch, grab some wine and ugly cry as we honor our angel babies. And get this… her angel baby’s due date is 1 day before the twins first birthday. You can’t make this up! That’s ANOTHER God Thing right there!
(P.S. Mama Bear made a picture like this of her family when she invited me to do the Viking send offs. Then, she made this picture for me that represents my family… it made me cry, I just think it’s so beautiful! Thanks again Mama Bear!)
No matter where you are in your journey there’s no wrong way to make a family. You will discover exactly what you were meant to have. Keep the faith and trust in yourself and you can’t go wrong!
My double rainbow❤️❤️
Finally having the courage to write down my story comes full circle… Mama Bear just told me that she is creating a memoir-style book filled with real stories from women who have gone through infertility or pregnancy loss. She is currently in the compiling stage. If you would like to share your story for this project, please email her at healingwithmamabear67@gmail.com and she will email you the submission guidelines. “We don’t share to compare, we share to show you are not alone and you are more than a statistic.”
If you’ve read my blog, Pregnancy Loss & My Precious Poppy, you know that I suffered a miscarriage and so did my bestie, Mama Bear. Well, she surprised me today and told me she is 7 weeks pregnant!!!!! Hallelujah! I was at a Burlesque show when she texted and I literally cried happy tears! Lol I’m sure i looked insane, who cries at a Burlesque show?! Tired Mama does when she finds out the best news EVERRRRRR! Side note, it was my friends 41st birthday and her wife surprised her with dinner with friends and this Burlesque show after it was so much fun!!! Highly recommend if you’ve never been! I was literally trying to take notes on some sweet moves to try on Hubby, these women were gorgeous! It definitely gave me the “oopf” I needed to actually want to start working out again lol we will see how long that lasts 🤞
Anyways, her text was this…
This was my response: (I wrote a novel, so it’s too long to screen shot)
Ok I got home and just got our little boy to sleep lol Girrrrrllllllllll!!!!!!!!! So seriously we will talk, and then talk some more! Cause the anxiety will come and go, so you reach out ANYTIME you need to talk! I had a girlfriend who had 5 miscarriages before she was blessed with their little girl. She said the longest one made it to 10 weeks… so I painstakingly counted down the days till I hit 10 weeks. I literally would talk to my belly and say, you hang on! You just stay in there! After I hit 10 weeks I calmed down… sort of… that was my first goal anyways. But I also had another girlfriend who had a horrible first pregnancy and her son ran out of room (I forget what the medical term for that is) but he came wayyyy too early. He was born at 2.5 lbs! Stayed forever in the NICU, but he is a thriving 6 year old now 🙂 just the happiest kid you’ll ever meet! So because of her first pregnancy she was terrified through her whole second pregnancy! Then she did the gender test where it tells you the odds of genetic disorders and it came back positive. She was devastated, like her anxiety went through the roof. She would literally bawl in the waiting room at her OBGYN because she would see all the “healthy” preggos there with their “healthy” babies and get jealous – which hit me hard! I felt this way when we had so much trouble getting pregnant again after my miscarriage, I was jealous of every happy family and preggo I saw! Of course she felt this way! I just wish I could have done something to magically take all that fear away, you know?! BUT that test only shows odds, so IF you take the test and IF it comes back just remember that it is only odds, it does not guarantee anything! And it turns out she had a full term completely healthy little girl who actually didn’t have any genetic disorders at all!!! So, I kept that in the back of my head… my poor friend was worried her entire pregnancy and it turned out perfectly fine. So I just really tried to focus on that! Cause if I was constantly worried about something that could potentially happen and that I had no say in whatsoever I figured that wouldn’t be good for me or my baby. So I’d just talk to it, anytime I felt those feelings and worried thoughts creep in, I’d put my hand on my belly and close my eyes and take a deep breath ❤️ then I’d talk to it. It felt weird at first, like what do I even say?! But I figured, you’re in there right now, this little miracle, and I already love you, so as long as I’ve got you I’m going to enjoy it and love you and get to know you ❤️ it almost turned my anxiety into a positive?! Cause instead of turning my attention to the worst (and trust me there were those days too!) I’d just really try to turn my attention to my little miracle instead, and concentrating on them really helped!!!! THEN when we found out it was twins, I was over the moon, buuuuuuut that came with a whole other level of anxiety lol so I tried to work through that! I’m sorry I don’t mean to preach here, but I figured welp, at least I know we can get pregnant and right now in this moment I AM PREGNANT! So I’m going to just let myself enjoy right now, today, with my little miracles! And idk if you guys are going for more or not, we were, until we found out it was 2 lol so once I realized that this was it for me I really buckled down and tried to just enjoy it cause I knew I’d never be pregnant again! That helped!!! Cause being pregnant is freaking HARD! I had no idea!!!!!! Oh and having to wait 8 weeks before the first ultrasound is criminal! I get it, but still waiting SUCKED! But oh my gosh your first ultrasound is coming up!!!!!! It’s almost here!!!!!!! 🤗🥰🤗🥰🤗🥰🤗🥰 how are you feeling?! I legit cried at the burlesque show, but happy tears!!!
I told you my response text was a freaking NOVEL!!! But her question really got me thinking… unfortunately miscarriage is common. Way too common! So, if I felt this level of anxiety surrounding my pregnancy and 3 of my besties also felt this level of anxiety surrounding their pregnancies, there have to be millions of people out there feeling the same way too! And you are not alone! Having a baby is HARD! No matter how your baby comes into this world! Surrogacy, pregnancy, adoption, it’s all HARD! Movies and TV shows and all the “surprises” that you hear about sure make it seem like getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term is easy. It. Is. NOT!
But, please try not to worry too much. I know, easier said than done… and like I told my friend, you will have those days. The ones full of worry where you go down the rabbit hole into darkness and despair! But I promise that it will pass and you will get through it. You are much stronger than you think! Even if you think you are the strongest bad a** there is, you’re wrong! You’re EVEN STRONGER THAN THAT! So, keep it up! Keep going! One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, and you will find everything you’ve been looking for. You’ve got this!
I’m just so, so, soooooooooo over the moon excited for my friend! She has her little rainbow baby safely tucked away in her belly right now and that is all that matters ❤️🌈 this moment, right here, today! Her and her family went through one of the worst experiences ever, but just like we get to honor our angel babies, we get to celebrate our rainbow babies.
P.S. I didn’t know what a rainbow baby was. I came across the term after my miscarriage and had to look it up. I cried, because it is beautiful…
A “rainbow baby” is a child born to parents who have previously experienced a pregnancy or infant loss, such as a miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death. The term symbolizes hope, as it represents a bright and beautiful rainbow appearing after a dark and turbulent storm.
Has anyone ever gone to baby swim lessons before?? We enrolled for a month long Tuesday & Thursday class for the twins. This class is a parent/child class for any kids 6 months to 3 years old. Well, they require swimsuits and swim diapers (duh), so obviously they are aware that babies do their business whenever they need to…
This was our third swim class and 10 mins into a 30 min class we hear, a huge booming announcement, “Ok, everyone out of the pool, immediately!” We all looked around and I turned to my NICU Baby Buddy who looks shocked and embarrassed and then I looked at her 10 month old son who had a teeny tiny bit of spit up on his mouth… seriously?! A red level alert for this?! Doesn’t the copious amounts of chlorine they pump into the pool take care of something this small and insignificant??
Apparently NOT! Everyone was yelled at to get out of the pool. Then, our swim instructor went, “Ok, I’ll leave this up to you all, but it has to me unanimous. We have to skim, clean and disinfect the pool and then wait 30 mins before entering again. We can either wait and resume this lesson or we can reschedule this class for tomorrow.” So, we all decided to wait it out while every work attendant started the cleaning.
We took our kids and set up camp together sitting on towels in the grass. I was honestly happy cause now we just get to chill and catch up. My friend was mortified! I was glad that the pool takes biohazard spills so seriously, but geeze people you did not have to handle it so forcefully and annoyed-like. My friend just kept apologizing and I was like, girl, this class is for babies!!! 6 months and up, they know babies do this sort of thing all the time, I’m honestly surprised this hasn’t happened yet! I’m literally just waiting for one of my kids to poop! To which one of the life guards turned and said, seriously this happens at least once a week, it’s not a big deal and smiled. And we all laughed, which made her feel a little better.
Then my family and I started making fun of the SWAT Team level response and someone brought up Monster’s Inc. when the CDA (Child Detection Agency) makes an immediate response to the code call 23-19 that is triggered when a monster comes into contact with a human item or child. It was that level of response!!! Too freaking funny. So we all started calling it a 23-19 and my Mom (G’ma) snapped the picture above of all of us heading out of the pool and added her hilarious artistic flair for me to send to my NICU Baby Buddy.
P.S. I love that my Mom doesn’t know how to add text to pictures on her phone, but did that stop her?! Nope! She just perfectly wrote out all that verbiage. It would have taken me forever to be able to do that and it still wouldn’t have turned out that good!!!
P.P.S. My Hubby on the drive home goes, “Ok, did anyone see the 2 year old whip off all his clothes while we were waiting for the 23-19 clean up and bare a**ed took a leak all over the concrete pool deck?” I didn’t cause I was too busy laughing about the situation with my friend over in the grass, but I was able to tell her that that also happened when I got home which also made her feel better. Kids will be kids after all! I’m sure I would have been embarrassed too if it would have been my kid AND POOP, but try to remember this the next time your kid has an accident. They happen, no biggie!
Update:
A few classes later we actually did have a real 23-19! I didn’t see it, but apparently the swim instructor made a mistake with a kid underwater and the poor little guy took on water. He came up and spewed everywhere! When I clued in and looked over his mom had gotten him to the edge of the pool and the poor little guy spewed again all over the pool deck. Like so much that I don’t know how that much fit in that kid level spew! But all I saw was the stuff on the pool deck… as I was making my way to the pool stairs that’s when I saw all the uh, “other stuff” swirling all around in the pool! Oh man!!! And there was no way I was going to be able to avoid it, so I just walked through it… they have showers there! Plus the pool water on the other side of the oil spill was clear.
The poor mom was embarrassed and kept saying sorry. My sis and I went up to her to ask if he was ok and if they needed any help. She apologized again, so we said oh girl, it happens! The poor little guy just took on some water. I just hope he feels better now!
So again, people! It sooooooo happens! And it isn’t the kids fault! So, please try not to be too embarrassed! And please reach out to the adult with the kid, because they probably need reassurance 🙂 we’re all in this together!
